It's All In How You Look At It...

Do you have a vision for your life? Or have you relinquished and feel that you've "ended up" where you are? I don't believe any of us has ended up anywhere. It doesn't matter how old you are, there is always room to change your circumstances and improve things in your life.

I feel that I have acres of room to improve my life. I have visions of where I'd like to be in 5, 10, and 20 years from now. I even have plans for next year. But I think it's important to recognize that it's only February and 2012 has just begun. So what to do with the gift of the next 10 months of this year?

For myself, I'm working on the little goals. Goal #1 is to get my wrist back into shape. I start physical therapy on Thursday and I can't wait. I know it'll hurt, but it will be a healing kind of pain. I survived sepsis and flash pulmonary edema...I can handle a little wrist manipulation.

What's got me in such an existential mood today is that I woke up feeling despair. I haven't worked in 4 months, I very rarely get to see my friends, and I haven't felt well enough to go out or exercise or do too much. Woe is me, right? Perspective is a powerful thing.

How about: I almost died twice this year, but I lived! I haven't been able to work, but I've still been getting paid! I may not have seen my friends much, but the important people have stayed in contact with me, even if it's not face-to-face! I haven't been feeling well but I've been healing and I know that soon I will be back to my old self! Maybe an even better version of myself! And most importantly, I've been out of the hospital for over a month!

Perspective.

I catch myself daydreaming about my life a lot these days. There are things I would love to experience, people I would love to meet, and I have an image of myself and what I could be and look like. Mostly, I just brush off those dreams and try to concentrate on the now. But what's so wrong about dreaming? And why does it have to stay just a dream? Why can't I do those things, meet those people, and become who I would like to become?

People do it everyday. They achieve their goals and they live their dreams. That could be me. Maybe it will be me. Maybe I should give myself the benefit of the doubt and go back to a time when I truly believed I could do absolutely anything.

Maybe I should change my perspective. How about you?

I'm Back, Sorry...

I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you, dear Readers. I have no excuse other than I couldn't wrap my brain around enough cohesive thoughts to warrant a post.

Well Happy Belated Valentines Day! I hope your day was full of warms and fuzzies. Mine was not, but at least I got some chocolate and watched a super cute movie! I watched Going The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. Loved it.

I got my PICC line removed on Monday!! Woohoo! I was terrified that it was going to hurt or that I was going to feel it being pulled out, but it was nothing at all. The only part that I didn't like was that I had it removed in a room that was full of chemotherapy patients. It was so sad. I felt guilty that I was able to get up and leave and feel fine afterwards. And I'm pretty sure I'm the only person the nurse was congratulating. But nonetheless, the line is removed, the wound seems to be healing well, and I go to see my surgeon on Friday to discuss some bloodwork and to hopefully set up some physical therapy! I can't wait to get my wrist back in working order.

And if getting my PICC line didn't spice up my Monday, how I spent my evening certainly did! I had seen an ad in the newspaper offering free singing lessons to women at a local retirement community. So I showed up, not sure what I was getting into, and it turned out to be a local all-female barbershop choir! They were ecstatic to have me, and I was brought into another room with the director and another newcomer and got to show off my singing range. And then I got to join the women! It was a blast! There is only one tenor (what I call soprano) in the group, but she was so excited that I could match her note for note and she was great at offering me advice and encouraging me. I got tons of compliments from the other women, including a big smile and thumbs up from the director at one point. I'm definitely going back next week!

I don't get to be an official "member" until I've auditioned. And the audition process is pretty daunting. They give you a song to learn, you have to memorise it - words, notes, melodies and rhythmn and perform it in a quartet! Scary! But until I'm ready (the director said it often takes about a month to be) I get to show up every week for free and learn! And the other tenor recorded us singing and is going to email me the mp3 so that I can listen and practice at home! So much fun! I've really missed singing in a group. I was in a church youth choir and did a musical in high school, etc, but it's been a good while. I hope I get far enough to audition and become a member. Once I'm a member I'll get to participate in contests and performances. I've YouTube'd some of their previous events, and they are amazing! And they have so much fun!

So that's about it for my adventures recently. I'm getting my hair cut today, and I'm stoked. I've been feeling and looking like crap for so long, I can't wait to look a little more put together. I also have a mission to get my energy back. I think I've walked the dog once in the past two months. Poor baby. But... lack of exercise aside... I've lost 20 pounds since the day I was admitted into the hospital! I don't recommend being sick as a way to kickstart weightloss, but I'm certainly not complaining about the results.

Be nice to someone today!

Who Needs Sleep...

I DO! I haven't slept since Monday night. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Never even dozed last night. I did, however, lay in bed staring into the dark. All night. For 7 hours to be exact. That is a very long time to be bored and unable to make any noise. I thought dawn would never get here! While I lay waiting for the sun to rise, here are some thoughts I had:

What kind of dog should I get when I move out? Well, I really like Golden Retrievers. But I want a rescue. I'm sure there's a Golden rescue somewhere near here.

I should look into acupuncture or something to help me sleep. Probably have to have them inserted into my eyeballs or something.

I can't wait to get my hand function back! I miss playing guitar and beading and painting. I hope I have enough function to do all that.

If I weren't allergic, I'd love to to have kittens. I'd get a pair and name them Rascal (m) and Mischief (f)

I probably shouldn't colour my hair anymore. It's so unhealthy. Plus I like my natural colour.

I'm glad my wrist scars look like surgical scars and not like I'm a Cutter.

I wish it was summer so I could go kayaking. I hope the river is cleaner this year.

Making a mental list of all the movies I've seen starring Drew Barrymore. Now Sandra Bullock. Now Julia Roberts.

I once promised myself that I would be published by 25. That's in 5 months. Crap.

I'm so jealous of Maggie right now. I can't sleep and she's out cold.

There has got to be a better use of my time than just lying here.

Sigh.

It's Going To The Dogs...

Well this post is, anyway. And not just any dog, but my dog! I have a gorgeous little Shihpoo (Shih tzu / Poodle) named Maggie. I got her from kijiji.com after I posted an ad saying that we were looking for an small, adult, non-shedding dog to keep my retired parents active. (Okay, I was so desperate for a dog, I was willing to take any measure needed). I didn't bother perusing all the other dogs being sold or given up on, because so many of them just said "take it, best offer." I hoped that by me posting an ad, someone who really cared who the new owner of their dog was would answer.

And has luck would have it, there was a woman out there who was waiting for someone to request a dog like her's. She didn't want to offer her dog up to just anyone. So she was holding out for a wanted ad. Fates collided, next thing we know she's bringing 4 year-old Maggie to our house for a visit.

You couldn't have trained Maggie to charm us better if you'd tried. She came in, and the first thing she did was jump up on my dad's lap. Normally my dad is afraid of dogs. Wary might be a better word. He doesn't know how to read them and is always concerned they might get aggressive. Not the case with Maggie. He was so delighted by the little goofball.

Then she jumped off him and up onto my mom's lap. My mom has never owned a dog and doesn't know much about them. I've seen other dogs go in her lap uninvited and she would stiffen, and look very uncomfortable. But with Maggie, my mom seemed a little surprised, and then was quite happy to pet her.

Her last turn was to come visit me on the floor. I had barely lifted my hand to pet her, and she was swung over on her back, looking for belly rubs. And of course, I melted.

We arranged a trial run that weekend with the owner. Needless to say, we called her on the Sunday and said "If you don't want to bother coming back, we'll take her." And the lady said "I don't have any emotional attachment to her... she's all yours."


Maggie on the first night at her new digs


We kept her name even though I'm not a fan because it was the only thing she did know.

Over the next few weeks I worked hard training her. I'm a huge advocate for positive training, and she learned fast. The hard part was (and remains to this day) to get my parents to remain consistent once I taught her something. Well at least I was consistent, and Maggie seemed to understand that I was the one with the rules-to-be-followed. I was also the one who let her share the bed. Bonus.

So that's Maggie's past. Now she is 8 years old and still the world's biggest sweetheart. She loves everyone, especially kids! She decided out of the blue for awhile there that she hated other dogs, but I've been arranging for her to socialize more and more and she's doing much better.

Maggie can be hilarious. Her arch rivals are squirrels. And they bait her so badly (I can be her witness to this). They climb along the front of the house and try to creep into the bird feeder before Maggie tries to tear down the window from the inside.


My "killer" girl protecting the house


Another favourite Maggie-ism is that she knows whether or not I am going downstairs to watch television or if I'm just grabbing something from the pantry or changing laundry loads. If I'm not watching tv, she won't follow me. Instead she lies at the top of the stairs with her nose pointed down and waits. Then when I go back up the stairs she does this stretch and waves her paw. She does it every single time, so I've taken it to mean that she's welcoming me back upstairs.

Other than that, Miss Maggie loves to play fetch with stuffed animals (squeaky ones!), and she loves to do tricks for treats, especially for cheese! But most of her day is spent snoozing away, preferably in the sun.



Lounging on the warm driveway

But of everything I love about her, and of all of her great qualities, my favourite thing about my little girl is that she's always there when I need her.




Visiting me in the hospital 2012

Detoxing The House...

So around here we get sick a lot. And by around here I mean in this house. My dad and I catch everything that goes around and then we share it with each other and my mom. Aren't we sweet? We also have a lot of breathing issues. My dad and I have asthma (yay genetics) and my mom has even started wheezing. So my mom and I have set out on a mission to get rid of some of our household toxins that could be part of our problem.

First thing we did was get rid of the microwave. Okay, so we just unplugged it and turned it around. I think if we actually donated it my dad would have a full-on conniption. But as long as it's sitting on the dishwasher... whether its working or not, he can deal. He definitely complains now and then that he can't have microwave popcorn or that he can't make oatmeal in 30 seconds, but for the most part we're all dealing just fine without it. I've come to love the broiler. Honestly, it's as fast as a microwave... without all the radiation. Bonus.

The next move was to get rid of the toxic cleaning products. I'm personally very susceptible to allergies when it comes to cleaners. No Febreeze, Endust, or Sunlight Detergent for this girl. We were able to donate most, if not all, our cleaning products to people who will use them. We now have some Green Works but mostly just water and vinegar or lemon juice, etc. Diluted vinegar works so well on glass streaks! Windex? Psht.

Some other things we have done are: replaced the teflon frying pan with a ceramic one, swapped the vinyl shower curtain for a fabric one, and switched the plastic tupperware with glass ones.

But my favourite project was making our own laundry soap! We used the Duggar's recipe (19 Kids and Counting) and it works great! We didn't add any essential oils or anything, and it still makes everything smell fresh and clean. And if we want stain remover or fabric softener, we just add some vinegar. And as an added plus, it also cleans the washing machine's pipes!

We're contemplating making our own dish soap and hand soap too. The recipes are fairly similar to the laundry soap.

So far so good. There haven't been any colds, flus or asthma attacks in quite a while!

It could also be because I'm chained to my iv bag 24/7 and am on so many medications that I physically can't get sick.

But I'm sticking with the story that it is all because we now cook breakfast on ceramic instead of teflon! :)

Where Was I...

Okay, I'm just going to admit it. It's not easy to come out and say it, especially on a public website. But here it is... the truth.

I have no sense of direction.

Phew, I'm glad I got that off my chest! It's so true though, I get lost more often than I'd like to admit. It first started with taking public transit. I would second guess myself about which bus I was supposed to take or which stop I was supposed to get off at. And then when I was in college and would take a bus home from residence on the weekends, I would get my times wrong, or be standing at the wrong bus stop, or get on the wrong one, or my bus would have a transfer and either I would stay on when I was supposed to get off, or I'd get off when I should have stayed. Etc. You get the picture.

But even today, I managed to lose my way several times. And it was just something as simple as going to my doctor's office. How many times have I done that before? Hello... I'm Miss Bubble Wrap for a reason! But here's what happened.

My mom and sister were having lunch at a local pub, so I dropped my mom off and then went to the doctor's office. Except I couldn't find a parking space. So I went around the block again, and decided that I would just park in the parking garage rather than waste anymore time. (haha) So I'm in the parking garage and I'm driving around, and around, and around. Man it was full!! But that green jeep looked awfully familiar. Then I realize that I was supposed to turn up the ramp halfway.. not drive in circles on the main level. So, I go up to the second lot and find a spot immediately. And I head to the door that leads into the mall. But I can't find one. All I can find are the doors that lead to the other levels of the garage or to outside. Then some hockey player lady (she was carrying all her gear... that wasn't stereotyping) asks if I'm trying to get to the mall. I said yes, and she told me that I have to go outside and walk around the building. I was in the wrong parking garage! I meant to be in the one that was attached to the mall.

So I go outside, walk around, and find a door to the mall, and go inside. I know my doctor's office is on the second floor. I've been there a million times. Except this time I had gone in an entrance that I'd never used before. So there I was, going up and down flights of stairs, trying different doors, going down hallways I don't recognize. And then suddenly I was there. And I was 20 minutes early and had to sit and wait for them to open from their lunch break.

The only plus from today was that I didn't have to pay for parking. (In case you were wondering, I had no trouble getting out of the garage.) There were no tickets to take and nobody at the gate to give money to. Score.

My dad told me later that you usually need a parking permit to use that lot because it's not intended for the public. Oops! Ah well, if that had been the case I would've been directed to the other parking garage and I wouldn't have had all this trouble. Sheesh.